Archive for sarcasm

Day 9 (freedom is . . . )

Posted in humor with tags , , , , , on July 18, 2008 by joelle blackstarr

What manner of man is this?  From whence cometh he?  Just who the h*ll is this “Freedom” of whom they speak?  Could it be that he is from some other world?  Is he the long awaited . . . nah.

Seven days a week, I am an angry Black man. What, then, is an angry Black man?  This angry Black man is a man who is tired of racism, and racial discrimination, especially towards Black Americana.  This angry Black man is sick and tired of Black Americana using words that degrade Black Americana.  Since you all know the words of which I speak, I will not print them on the page.  A few days ago, I decided that I will figure out some other way to bring attention to one particular word, when necessary, without writing it down.  Taking his lead from Richard Pryor, Freedom will no longer let it be a part of his vocabulary (not that it was ever used that much by Freedom to begin with).  We need to obliterate those things which hold us down,  which hold us back, meaning the things that we do ourselves that hold us down and hold us back.  I’m not a fan of anarchy, so don’t go out there wiping out those other folks who hold us down.  That was NOT my meaning.

During those seven days a week as an angry Black man, I find time to write.  I have a novel that is close to being complete, and I will soon post a long excerpt from that very same novel for your literary entertainment.  The novel is entitled “Midnight Redemption” (copyright 2005  freedom).  The story concerns a private detective, Mike Drummond, who is rather inept at his job as a detective, but, is superb as a bounty hunter.  His finesse at bringing fugitives to justice keeps him knee deep in danger and waist high in “benjamins”.  He is on the trail of an international murderer who recently arrived in Philadelphia.  Like all pulp fiction detective stories, there is an extremely desirable damsel-in-distress who just happens to fall into the arms of an ever-ready Mike Drummond.  You will not want to miss such an exciting tale of mystery and international intrigue, so, don’t make me come looking for you.

Freedom is a father.  Freedom is the proud father of two children who will be graduating from college in May of 2009.  Freedom says that it has been a long uphill struggle to pull it off, but, he has always lived in a village, and there were plenty of elders and kin to help see him through.  Freedom says that he would not trade the journey that he has taken with the two of them for all of the tea in China, nay, all of the gold in Fort Knox. Wait – does Freedom realize just how much gold is in Fort Knox?  Does Freedom realize that he could BUY two more graduating kids?  Somebody wake that man up!!  Please!

Freedom is retired, and has no plans on doing much of anything else in life besides writing, travelling, and enjoying the company of a beautiful Black woman.  Yes – Freedom is heterosexual.  Sorry, guys.  Freedom is lazy, but, that’s because he can afford to be.  He says that he has put in his time, and has stepped aside to give the young bucks a chance at earning a living.  After all, Freedom is not greedy.  But, Freedom is lazy.  He once adopted the motto “Batteries included, no assembly required”, which pretty much described Freedom’s outlook on life.  That phrase was later dropped for the ever-popular “No pain. no mutha f*ckin’ problem”.

Come play with me, says Freedom.  I won’t bite, except sarcastically.  Freedom says “I promise not to hurt you, but, your feelings, now, that’s a different story”.  Freedom wants to be your friend . . . unless you’re a moron.  If you are, then he just wants to insult you.  And, what does Freedom say about passes?

copyright  ©  2005  freedom

Flava of the Day is “Poetry Man” by Queen Latifah