Archive for fatherhood

i get angry. . . four

Posted in social commentary with tags , , on July 3, 2008 by joelle blackstarr

i get angry at brothers who refuse to step up, man-up, and pay up for the children that they have neglected.  there are probably as many excuses for not doing the right thing as there are grains of sand by the seas. of those excuses, not one is valid. even considering the reasons for not doing the right thing, very few of those are valid.

if things didn’t work out for you and your child’s mother, please get over it and do what needs to be done for your child.  trust me when i say that the amount of money that kimora is getting, or will be getting, is just downright ridiculous.  mr. simmons will, no doubt, step up to the plate.  unless you are a celebrity, the chances that you have been told or will be told to pay as much as he or others is highly unlikely.

in the early days of my separation from my baby-mama, she had the kids and i was paying child support.  we had come to an agreement that a particular amount of money was required to raise a child, and that’s what i paid – each and every week.  we did not need a judge to settle on an amount.  we simply put our heads together and worked things out for the sake of the children that we brought into this world.  however, in order for certain things to happen in baby-mama’s life, we both had to go to family services and file a legal child support claim.  i remember sitting there laughing and joking with baby-mama, and the brothers waiting to be screwed served, seemed to have looks on their faces that screamed “hey, clueless!  she’s about to take you for every cent you’ve got!” after the gavel came down, it turned out that the amount that i was paying prior to then was unbelievably higher than what the courts demanded.  i hated that idea (going to court to have it put on record), but, the laws in this country are sometimes to the far left side of logic.  i would gladly have continued to pay the “un-legal” amount that she and i had agreed upon to see that my kids were well taken care of.

stopping by to drop off a birthday present once a year or a box of pampers every other month does not constitute child support.  a child’s needs are almost infinite.  there is food, clothing, entertainment (i.e. toys), and more important than most negligent fathers understand, time.  i understand that a brother has needs of his own, but, a brother should have thought about that before he decided on the possibility of becoming a father.  please don’t get the idea that because the check is in the mail, your obligations are done.  after the financial obligations have been taken care of, a child needs to know his/her father.  a child needs to know that, perhaps more than anything else, dad loves them.  if you are not around, you can’t possibly show that you are proud to be their father, or that you love them, or that you care in the least.  if you haven’t tried it yet, and plan to do so, i can almost guarantee that the time you spend with your child/ren is more rewarding than most of the things that you’ve ever done in your lifetime.

the economy is tough.  jobs are scarce.  that’s not just for you – it goes for just about everybody else in this nation.  get up off your worthless a$$ and see to it that your child/ren are taken care of.  stop making excuses and stop being the proverbial sperm donor, and become a father.  stop bragging about how many kids you have and start stepping up to the plate . . . and “please don’t let me be misunderstood”:  i am not that concerned about you – it’s just that you continue to give me and other good African-American brothers a bad name.  i’m tired of your sh*t.  we’re tired of your sh*t.  your children are tired of your sh*t!!

you definitely don’t get a pass.  freedom says “man-up, d*ckheads!!”

copyright  ©  2008  freedom

(REVISED 7/11/2008)