Archive for the humor Category

wordle 10.01.10

Posted in humor, poetry, political commentary, politics, racial discrimination, satire and sarcasm, social commentary, Wordles with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 1, 2010 by joelle blackstarr

Wordle: got malt? (2)

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copyright  2010  blackstarr

got malt? (excerpt from “the village”)

Posted in humor, poetry, political commentary, politics, satire and sarcasm, social commentary with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 8, 2010 by joelle blackstarr

at twelve clocks,

off to the mailbox.

no one saw him fall.

at work.

on company time.

but, the company’s dime

is making him ghetto rich

for a couple or three days

out of every month.

**********

off to the store with the red and yellow sign.

five chicken wings – that’s what’s up.

salt, pepper, ketchup?

two loosies, and a fifty cent hug.

he hollers at shorty,

who doesn’t even shrug,

pays him no mind

(why she so unkind?).

never needed you.

it’s all good.

there’s more fish in the sea,

(to himself) said he.

malt liquor chaser

for a two o’clock blunt.

**********

no hustle and bustle,

just the hustle.

getting by, getting high,

getting paid off a slip-and-fall case.

living that fast pace,

always up in your face.

ever poor,

never rich, an’

always bitchin’,

wouldn’t dare be caught snitchin’.

and he never lets it all inside his head.

man-child: ghetto born and bred.

**********

copyright  2008  blackstarr

freerealm@gmail.com

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Images used in this post are from various sites across the web.  If any photos belong to you and you have an objection, e-mail me ad I will have them removed

young white sburbanite (excerpt from “the village”)

Posted in humor, music, poetry, politics, prose, racial discrimination, satire and sarcasm, social commentary with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 27, 2010 by joelle blackstarr

on any given friday night,

a young white suburbanite,

cruises in his beamer,

into the city, bose blastin’ fiddy.

he sports the latest, greatest, hippest, dopest, phattest rags

that his daddy’s silver spoon could buy,

but that silver spoon is the very reason why.

he protests the riches that they don’t deserve,

lashes out at his very own private federal reserve.


he’s looking for some black flava,

or some brown suga’,

or some white powder,

music getting louder.

young white suburbanite,

in the middle of the night,

loses himself in another man’s culture.

not understanding the subtleties of cp time,

he hits the club way too soon,

stands around with beer in hand,

realizes that the night was not so well-planned.

but he’s fly and hip and dope and –

and thinks he’s ahead of his time,

but the reality is that he simply

got there way ahead of time.

the music swirls within his head,

and the sistas think it’s so dred

that he’s holding his own,

while out of his element.

but to his detriment,

the beer pulls him to the dancefloor.

now, whitebread ain’t so fly no more.

and we think “ooh, that’s gotta hurt!”

beer has him moving to the beats,

the sight has us fallin’ out our seats.

“yo – young white suburbanite!

some fly sista would like ta get witcha”,

but homeboy’s homeboy has had

one too many rollin’ rocks.

young white suburbanite

struggles with all his might

to get his homeboy standing upright.

now, homeboy’s homeboy wants to fight.

young white suburbanite

came to the city,

blastin’ fiddy,

lookin’ for some black flava,

or some brown suga’,

or some white powder.

whitebread

got that gangsta beat going ‘round in his head.

cruisin’ in his jet-black beamer.

he’s just trying to understand

why we always catch it from the man.

tries to understand what that’s like,

he beats a path to every open mike,

struggles to get a feel for what it’s like.

a fruitless pursuit and he can’t see why

he can never feel the pain like you and i.

he innocently protests and lets out a sigh –

“it wasn’t me and i refuse to carry that lie”.

it’s neither out of compassion,

nor because it’s popular fashion,

but, instead, because the guilt of the fathers

prey upon the innocence of the sons.

**********

on any given friday night,

deep within the urban blight,

from dusk until daylight.

lookin’ for some

black flava,

brown suga’,

white powder.

out of the gloomy mist and into the light,

comes an urban legend . . . a young white suburbanite.

copyright  2008  blackstarr

freerealm@gmail.com

Lose Yourself by Eminem

Images: silver spoon (metalmuseum.org), Rolling Rock beer (hoppsy.com), Flava (myrunkspace.com), Bey caricature (pinoypix.com), Philadelphia skyline (wordfromtheweb.com)

wasted membranes

Posted in humor, just for the bull of it, music, poetry, relationships, satire and sarcasm, social commentary on March 18, 2010 by joelle blackstarr

i get high on crystal meth;

i get stoned, like a soul picnic.

wasted membranes,

you’re gone,

and i’m left with twisted grey matter.

she’s my pusher, wide open,

and ready for action.

she, her, they.

i know it’s you,

but do you trip like i do,

on the vapor trail?

get busy child, trip like i do.

i’m jaded, i’m faded, i made it

to a place

where darkness veils

when all else fails,

and darkness is the mask

that hides us all.

it’s been three days,

and, now, I’m starting over.

there’s high and low

and crystal meth is high

and twisted matter is low.

and i know it’s you, but you

don’t trip like i do.

bound too long,

you know it’s hard,

or do you?

you’re wild, sweet and cool,

wide open

and ready for action.

i get high on crystal meth;

i get stoned, like a soul picnic.

i end up with wasted membranes.

and i know

you’re right,

but i’m left

with twisted grey matter.

copyright  ©  2008  blackstarr

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freerealm@gmail.com

“Busy Child” by The Crystal Method

Drunken Stupor

Posted in humor, just for the bull of it, poetry, social commentary with tags , , , on February 27, 2010 by joelle blackstarr

i’ve fallen!


i stumble home as the sun comes up,

drunk as cooder brown,

puke still dribbling down

my chin.

the key won’t fit, and out comes a “sh*t!”

car key, door key,

why me?

now who the h*ell has

moved my couch?!

ouch!  that hurt!

as i hit the floor,

i’m laughing loud and hardy,

as i recall

“i’ve fallen and i can’t get up!”

laughter overtakes me and i say it again.

but i get up just the same,

can’t even remember my name,

and this sure ain’t no pretty picture.

never again, oh, never again,

i promise the porcelain god.

i swear, I swear – never again!

just, please, make it stop!

i sit there, gathering my composure,

stinking of gin,

wondering when

i’ve felt like this before.

right:  last weekend,

me and a no-count friend.

oops!  here comes that ‘tini, again.

that one was apple.

wasn’t there a cherry one down there?

that’s the one that needs to come up for air.

one shoe off, lying on the bed,

one too many drinks in my head;

room still spinning,

and i’m still grinning at something that

wasn’t nearly that funny.

so, how much money did i spend this time?

i swear – if you make it stop,

i’ll never do this again.

please, oh please . . . make it stop!

copyright  2008 © blackstarr (aka freedom)

freerealm@gmail.com

“Mama Told Me Not To Come” by Three Dog Night

I Go To Sleep

Posted in humor, satire and sarcasm, social commentary with tags , , , , , , , , , , on December 23, 2009 by joelle blackstarr

The events of the last few days have been quite surreal, particularly on the night that my mother was in the hospital, depending on life support to keep her going. My sister and I were there already and the doctor said that it would be best if we took mom off of support as it is probably causing her more pain than doing any good. We insisted that she be kept going at least until my brother gets to the hospital. He arrived, he kissed mom on the cheek, and my mom’s life, as we knew it, was over. It was like a scene out of a movie: the parent refuses to die until all of their children are assembled before them. Waaay too surreal. Well, if you know even just a little bit about me, you know that I don’t do “touchy-feely” and, yes – that was touchy-feely. I had my reasons, which will come to light. For now, amidst our tragedy . . . comic relief.

I know that in some way or another, we will all find ourselves either depending on life support or already past that point, awaiting that ride across the River Styx. Before my time gets here, I plan to grab fifteen minutes of fame, along with about an hour more thrown in for good measure. Now, before my fellow Christians crucify me, it goes without saying that all things that I hope for are proceeded with the phrase “God willing”, for I can only accomplish the things that God allows for me. On the other hand, I’ve never been politically correct either – I just try to tell it like it is – without the wordplay.

So, if – or more appropriately – when I have obtained that fame (with the extra hour), I should be filthy rich. I hope that you’re paying attention because there will be a test later in life. All of this obligates each of you and gives you yet one more responsibility. “How so?”, I hear you asking. Well, believe it or not, I love you tweeple, you people, you Field Negroes (as opposed to the House Negroes), and as such, you will probably be in my will. In fact, you WILL be in my will. That’s where your obligation comes in. There is a headline that you should be looking for at some point in the future. If a particular situation should come to pass, it will probably read something like this:

“Famed writer and director blackstarr lies on life support as friends and family argue back and forth about pulling the plug or keeping him going!”

Drop whatever you’re doing and hop a “red-eye” to Philly if you have to! Don’t you let them pull any plugs !!! Don’t listen to what some foolish doctor has to say!!! KEEP ME GOING FOR AS LONG AS THERE IS MONEY IN MY ACCOUNT!!!! I hear you thinking already: Dude, that is expensive as H*ll. Remember that by that time, I will be filthy rich. Leave me in whatever room they put me in and have the specialist flown in everyday to check on me. You see, the more they move me, the more the chance of a cord coming loose or some dingbat nurse plugging in things the wrong way. And why should you care? I told you – you’re in the will. As long as my wishes are carried out, you all will be taken care of.

Here’s the second headline for which you should be on the lookout:

“Funeral services for blackstarr will be held . . .”

Again – stop whatever you’re doing and get back to Philly, making sure that there is no funeral, no memorial, no repast, nor anything remotely resembling any of the above. The beautiful and dazzling woman could not have put it better: “Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina!”. I reiterate her words over and over. Don’t cry for me. I am but a starving artist at the moment, yet even at this point in my life, I can say that I have lived a wonderful life. At that point in my life, you KNOW that I will have had a great time. So please . . . shed no tears for me.

I like fire. I like the flames that it produces. I like the colors that it creates. I was born on February 1st and, as a result, nearly every party that I’ve thrown in my adult life has ended up in near disaster. I remember one year it snowed so badly that three people showed up: my girlfriend, the bartender, and me! So, more than anything else, I like the warmth that emanates from that fire. When I die, cremate me! Let my a$$ burn until there is nothing left but ashes! When it’s all over, take a trip to the west coast and scatter my ashes in the Pacific Ocean so that I can watch the sun set everyday. No tears for the kid!

It’s important that you carry out my wishes and for good reason. Remember first that, by that time, you’ve got big bucks coming your way. More importantly, I don’t care if I have 500 million dollars in the bank – If there is a memorial, a burial, a funeral, any of those things that I mentioned before or anything close, all of my money will go to charity. Just so that we are clear, let me say that one more time: all of my money will go to charity! I HATE that “touchy-feely” stuff! I can’t control it in anyone else’s life, but I should certainly be able to control it in my own. Did you know that some lady left her fortune to all of her cats? Did you know that a man in England left his money to the care of a tree in the wilderness? You can do that, you know.

Later in life, there will be a test. By then, this blog may have long been deleted, or may be inaccessible, or any number of untimely circumstances may prevent you from re-reading this. So, if you don’t know how, learn: copy, paste, save to file. That way, you will have notes to look back on when the test comes, and it will be “open-book”. Don’t be caught with the dumb-look on your face wondering “What do I do now?” Copy, paste, save to file.

Just make sure that you shed no tears for me. To that end, make certain that there are no services held – key word: cremation. But if that plug is keeping me alive, do everything in your power to keep it plugged in. Ya never know! Peace.

freerealm@gmail.com

© 2009 freedom
“I Go To Sleep” by Sia

Overheard (1)

Posted in humor, Quotables with tags , , on January 20, 2009 by joelle blackstarr

obama-1

President Barack H. Obama (January 20, 2009):

“F*ck what ya heard!

Git your a$$ up off my property!”

copyright  ©  2009  freedom

freerealm@gmail.com

“No Tresspassing” by Mr. Hill


W.T.D. 01.05.09

Posted in humor, just for the bull of it, satire and sarcasm, social commentary, WTG (Walking The Dog) with tags , , , , , , , , , , on January 5, 2009 by joelle blackstarr

walking the dog 01

Well, I’m not really walking the dog, today. I’m more or less clearing the old brain cells of leftover nonsense from the year that has recently departed. Never let it be said, however, that I am not the Angry Black Man anymore, because I am and ever will be. Today – I’m just not feelin’ it.

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I want to welcome everyone to 2009 and offer my sincere wishes that this will truly be your year and that when it’s all said and done, this will be the year that finds you in the place that you’ve always wanted to be. God willing, it will surely be my year. Don’t even ask me about New Year’s resolutions. It’s not that I don’t like them, it’s just that I’ve broken so many before that I am currently banned by Pennsylvania law from making any more. So . . . don’t ask.

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Way across town, in the neighborhood that I once (or twice) lived, I always drive past a store with the most peculiar name: JUST ROSES and MORE. WTH? I still shake my head at that one.

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I often ponder, as well as ask the question, but never do I get an answer: Why is it that we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway? Why is that? Huh? Why?

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Speaking of hoochies, I came across this little gem a few days ago. > click here < Put that outfit on and I guarantee you that you can lounge around on my sofa all summer long and I will not be mad at cha for doing so! That is like seriously sensual eroticism. I don’t remember where I got that photo, but, I removed all of the extraneous letters in the URL and went to the main page – don’t do it!! It is some crazy all-out porn!!

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Sensual eroticism? I admit that to be a phrase which borders on redundancy. So . . . how’s about a few oxymora (plural of oxymoron) to help you get started on your busy day? For me, they are always good for at least a hint of a smile. Here are three that guarantee a chuckle from yours truly: original copy, the same difference, and the ever wonderful military intelligence. Try these on for size:

pretty ugly

only choice

clearly confused

plastic glasses

Stop by FUN WITH WORDS for more delicious words and phrases that should never be in the same room at the same time.

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FLY, EAGLES, FLY! ‘Nuff said.

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I am not and will never ever be politically correct, nor will I practice semantics. For me, it is what it is. I call people “retarded” because it is my term of endearment for those who say things in an “out-of-the-way”, original manner that makes me smile. I call women “fat” by way of a compliment because I simply adore “fat” women. They bring me joy. “Fat” is just not a bad word in my vocabulary. It’s not that I am trying to be insensitive when I say such things, it’s just that . . . it is what it is. I make no excuses nor do I pardon myself for the things that I say and the way that I say them. OK, except when it comes to you ladies – you get me every time. Therefore, I apologize in advance for what flows from my feeble brain: when it comes to logic, for the most part, women just don’t get it. Why is that? It’s because (according to the experts) women function mostly with the emotional and creative side of the brain (creative – that why ,again, according to the experts, women are so much better at lying than men – creative brainwaves). Men, on the other hand, for the most part, think more with the logical and reasoning side of the brain. There are opinions for and against each of those thoughts and there has never been a definitive answer as to which is better.

It’s all neither here nor there as all of that was merely a segue into the idea of opinions. Yes – this little missive is not about women and their reasoning, but, rather, about opinions. The group is The Doobie Brothers. The track is “What A Fool Believes” (go ahead and click – I know you can listen and read at the same time). Most importantly, the line from the song is “What a fool believes, no wise man has the power to reason away”. That means that with all of one’s PhD’s, all of one’s street knowledge, and with all of the wisdom in the world, one still does not have the power to dispute what a fool believes. In the context of the song, a fool has fallen in love with a woman who doesn’t even know that he is alive. In his mind, however, he believes that she loves him back and that she is his. If we remove “fool” and insert “person”, the line becomes relevant on an even higher level. I don’t know if this was intentional, but, nevertheless, it is a coup d’etat.

The bottom line is that one person’s opinion is not subject to another’s judgment. An opinion has absolutely nothing to do with truth, fact, or reality. That being the case, opinion can never be disputed. When we see comments written about the things we post, we ofttimes see “IMO” or “IMHO”, the “o” standing for “opinion”, of course. When you see that, take a deep breath, then exhale, and remember that it is merely one man’s opinion and nothing more. There is actually no need to rebut. There is no need to be angry because their thoughts differ from yours. There is even no need to make them see the light. They are merely expressing their opinions, key word being “opinions”. If we take that forth with us into 2009, if we can relieve ourselves of even the slightest iota of stress from our existence, then, it means one more iota of peace and serenity put into our lives, even if for just a moment in time. I know – touchy-feely, but, hey. Peace.

copyright © 2009 freedom

freerealm@gmail.com

Once again, my favorite “Breathe”, by Telepopmusik . . . enjoy

Thank you so very, very much.

Posted in humor, just for the bull of it, prose, satire and sarcasm with tags , , on December 19, 2008 by joelle blackstarr

Thank you so very much Sharon, The True Urban Queen.  Thanks for the opportunity to write some more.  Thanks so much for making my brain work overtime.  No . . . really.  Thanks . . . a lot.

So, basically, I’ve been tagged, and this one is a long one, so have a seat, if you please.

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Ten (10) random things about moi:

queen-l 1- I detest cold weather.  I overdress for it to insure that I am not cold when I go outside.  I stay inside as much as I possibly can.

2- I was once a fantastic dancer.  They called me “Mr. Wiggles” and “Slinky”.  I was truly agile.

3- I am rarely seen in something other than dress pants, dress shoes, and on most occasions, a tie.

4- I love sit-coms.  I hate the “situations”, but, love the “comedy” which ensues.

5- I am the middle child (older sister, younger brother), otherwise known as “the forgotten child”.

6- I was born on a Friday.  Is that why I always shout “TGIF!”?

7- I love to write.  Sorry – I LOVE to write!

8- I drink either coffee or Mountain Dew all day long, seven days a week.

9- I hate fast food and rarely eat it.  When I do indulge, it’s either for a Triple Bacon Cheeseburger from BURGER KING or a huge roast beef sandwich from ARBY’s.

10- I love to hear Queen Latifah sing.  My favorite by her is “Travelin’ Light” .

Nine (9) ways to win my heart:

tights-05 1- Know how to cook the things that I like.  It’s one thing to be able to cook, but, if it’s not something that I like, it’s virtually a waste, now, isn’t it?

2- Dress like a hoochie but act like a lady (when we are together).  I love a classy lady, but I also like skin.

3- Assume that I am right, and save us both a bit of time.

4- Give some personal input on the poetry and novels that I write.

5- If you’re smarter than I am, try not to flaunt it 24/7.  Part of the day is OK, but, not all of it.

6- For six, seven, eight and nine – review item two (2).

Eight things I want to do before I die:

1- See the pyramids.

2- Return to Jamaica for my third and last trip.

pyramids-giza 3- Lounge around on a nude beach in Negril, Jamaica.

4- Dive from the cliff at Rick’s Bar (Negril, Jamaica).

5- Expatriate to Paris, France . . . just for three weeks or so – too many responsibilities here.

6- Attend my children’s college graduations (May, 2009)

7- Fall in love, again.

8- Write and direct a movie (sounds like some copycatting, huh?)

Seven (7) ways to annoy me:

1- If you’re not sitting up under me, at home, in your bra and panties, show your bra straps.  I HATE THAT!!!!!

2- Chew on ice in my presence.

3- Make me watch a LIFETIME movie.ice-cubes

4- Make me watch reality shows.

5- Chew with your mouth open.

6- Clutter up my space.

7- Don’t answer when I call your name.

Six (6) things I believe in:

1- GOD.

2- Cleanliness.

3- Neatness.

tuxedos-03 4- My abilities.

5- Being a gentleman.

6- True love.

Five (5) things that I am afraid of:

1- Snakes.

2- Losing my sanity, particularly to Alzheimer’s Disease.

3- Being embarrassed in public.

4- Being in very close, tight corners (claustrophobic big time!).

5- Being buried alive (slightly different from number 4).snakes

Four (4) of my favorite things:

1- My female muses.

2- Writing.

3- Female breasts and their “nibbles”.

4- Swimming.

Three (3) things I do daily:

1- Drink coffee.

2- Write.

3- Take two or three long walks (rain, snow, sleet, or hail).

Two (2) things I want to do within the hour:

1- Finish this dad-blaned post!!!!!!

2- Thank Sharon.  Really.  No, I mean it.

homerchokingbart1

One (1) person I want to see right now:

1- My longest running female friend and muse.

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D*mn, that was long!!!  Hey, Sharon – thanks, babe.  Really.  Thanks so very, very much.

I didn’t tag anyone because I don’t think I know enough bloggers like that.  So, if you haven’t been tagged, tag yourself and join in the fun.  Seriously – it’s a lot of fun.  No, really.  I mean that from the bottom of my heart.  Peace.

copyright  ©  2008  freedom

freerealm@gmail.com

“They Just Can’t Stop It (The Games People Play) by The Spinners

Photos are from various sites on the web.  If any belong to you and you wish them removed from this site, please let me know and I will remove them.

Idle Hands – 01

Posted in humor with tags , on December 14, 2008 by joelle blackstarr

george-bush-02Here, boy!

Come on!

Come, on, boy!

That’s a good little boy!

Who’s my little idiot?

You my little idiot?

That’s right, him’s my little idiot.

Him’s daddy’s little idiot, yes him is.

copyright  ©  2008  freedom

freerealm@gmail.com

“It’s All Over Now Baby Blue” by Bob Dylan

Photo from totallylookslike.com