Advocatus Diaboli

For months I have tried, without success, to secure an interview with The Devil.  Unfortunately, it has always been his attitude that when words get put down on paper, it is difficult, at best, to refute what has been said in the past.  Therefore, it behooves him not to grant interviews.  I was referred, instead, to one of his most devoted workers, The Devil’s Advocate.  I must say that she was alluring, seductive, and most enticing.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .

Freedom :  Thank you for the interview.

Devil’s Advocate:  Whatever.

What does your job entail?

Good question.  Let me first say f*ck what ya heard – I am NOT the Devil’s advocate.  “Advocate”, as used here, is a misnomer.  I mean, I do not speak for him – I speak for myself and myself only.  But, you know what really gets my goat?  “The Devil is the author of confusion”.  NOT!  That is my claim to fame.  That is my sole job: confusion.  I am the author of confusion, not the Devil, but I.  It’s the age-old story – worker does all of the dirt but the boss gets the credit.  I guess that’s just part of that being-a-team-player-bullsh*t.

Well, alrighty, then!

That kinda makes this interview a bit of a contradiction for me, as I am not one for promoting clarification.  I get my greatest pleasure when I confuse people.  Smoke and mirrors gets me so hot!  I am a master –  mistress, rather – of taking things out of context and making them appear totally different than what they actually happen to be.  Therefore, as it should be stated, I am the author of confusion.

Most say that your role is simply as an agitator, a debater of sorts.  How true is that assessment?

It’s basically without fact.  While that is the role that I initially take on and the face that I show, the real deal is that in the end, confusion reigns and my job is done.  Sure – I start out with the idea that I will take an unpopular side just to get things rolling, but, that, again, is just smoke and mirrors.  Once the debate is in full swing, the primary point is then twisted beyond repair and recognition.  That’s what I’m really about.

So, then, you’re just a perpetrating, deceitful vixen?

OMD!! Why, thank you!  You are ever so kind!  You left out “liar”, though.  I know – everybody always says “The Devil is a liar”, but, that’s just not true.  I mean, think about it.  The Devil makes a point of telling the truth:  “I’ll make you a star, and in return, you give me your soul”, “I’ll make you rich in return for your soul”, or  “I’ll make you beautiful if you give me your soul”. That’s pretty much cut and dry.  He actually speaks the truth, tells it like it is.  On the other hand, I am an outright liar.

(Her legs were crossed.  She did a “Sharon Stone” on me and reversed the position of her legs.  OMD!! Eyes agog, I continued.)

Do you consider yourself a “minion” of the Devil?

Sorry.  It’s been real, but, like, I gotta run.

Run?  It’s only two o’clock.  You said you’d give me ’til 3.

Well, that’s just me being me.  You know, confusion and all that?  You’re on Eastern time, and I was talkin’ Central time.  What can I say?  Peace.

copyright  ©  2008  freedom

freerealm@gmail.com

.   .   .   .   .   .

Sympathy For The Devil by The Rolling Stones/The Neptunes – The video.

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“When you own the information, you can bend it all you want.” – John Mayer from “Waiting On The World To Change”.

Photo courtesy of checkmate.rediffiland.com  All rights reserved.

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3 Responses to “Advocatus Diaboli”

  1. Very creative.. I love it. I’ve had the DA job before… the benefits sucked. 😉

  2. Ha! Very clever. But I don’t think Dana Perino would like you blogging about the interview you had with her.

  3. Shae -Unfortunately, I find myself taking on that role way too often on the web. It usually comes up when I just can’t make the idiots see the facts of life. Benefits – so true.

    Andre – Forget Dana – this was the one with Condi. She could do the “Sharon Stone leg-cross” for me any day. Love the sexy woman, but despise the politician.

    I must blog about a news aggregator that I stumbled upon which truly turned my hair gray(er). You talk about “owning the information”??!!! I was so peeved. It linked an article headlined as “Oprah thinks twice about interviewing Palin”. I clicked it and the article was about a group petitioning Oprah to do the interview – with absolutely NOTHING that was said by Oprah!! Result: “Oprah not available for comment”. How is that “thinking twice?? OOOOOH!!!!! I HATE the media with a burning passion!! Peace.

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