i get angry. . . four

i get angry at brothers who refuse to step up, man-up, and pay up for the children that they have neglected.  there are probably as many excuses for not doing the right thing as there are grains of sand by the seas. of those excuses, not one is valid. even considering the reasons for not doing the right thing, very few of those are valid.

if things didn’t work out for you and your child’s mother, please get over it and do what needs to be done for your child.  trust me when i say that the amount of money that kimora is getting, or will be getting, is just downright ridiculous.  mr. simmons will, no doubt, step up to the plate.  unless you are a celebrity, the chances that you have been told or will be told to pay as much as he or others is highly unlikely.

in the early days of my separation from my baby-mama, she had the kids and i was paying child support.  we had come to an agreement that a particular amount of money was required to raise a child, and that’s what i paid – each and every week.  we did not need a judge to settle on an amount.  we simply put our heads together and worked things out for the sake of the children that we brought into this world.  however, in order for certain things to happen in baby-mama’s life, we both had to go to family services and file a legal child support claim.  i remember sitting there laughing and joking with baby-mama, and the brothers waiting to be screwed served, seemed to have looks on their faces that screamed “hey, clueless!  she’s about to take you for every cent you’ve got!” after the gavel came down, it turned out that the amount that i was paying prior to then was unbelievably higher than what the courts demanded.  i hated that idea (going to court to have it put on record), but, the laws in this country are sometimes to the far left side of logic.  i would gladly have continued to pay the “un-legal” amount that she and i had agreed upon to see that my kids were well taken care of.

stopping by to drop off a birthday present once a year or a box of pampers every other month does not constitute child support.  a child’s needs are almost infinite.  there is food, clothing, entertainment (i.e. toys), and more important than most negligent fathers understand, time.  i understand that a brother has needs of his own, but, a brother should have thought about that before he decided on the possibility of becoming a father.  please don’t get the idea that because the check is in the mail, your obligations are done.  after the financial obligations have been taken care of, a child needs to know his/her father.  a child needs to know that, perhaps more than anything else, dad loves them.  if you are not around, you can’t possibly show that you are proud to be their father, or that you love them, or that you care in the least.  if you haven’t tried it yet, and plan to do so, i can almost guarantee that the time you spend with your child/ren is more rewarding than most of the things that you’ve ever done in your lifetime.

the economy is tough.  jobs are scarce.  that’s not just for you – it goes for just about everybody else in this nation.  get up off your worthless a$$ and see to it that your child/ren are taken care of.  stop making excuses and stop being the proverbial sperm donor, and become a father.  stop bragging about how many kids you have and start stepping up to the plate . . . and “please don’t let me be misunderstood”:  i am not that concerned about you – it’s just that you continue to give me and other good African-American brothers a bad name.  i’m tired of your sh*t.  we’re tired of your sh*t.  your children are tired of your sh*t!!

you definitely don’t get a pass.  freedom says “man-up, d*ckheads!!”

copyright  ©  2008  freedom

(REVISED 7/11/2008)

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4 Responses to “i get angry. . . four”

  1. Kudos to you for this post. Very well said.

  2. freedom Says:

    thanks. they are so clueless as to what they are missing in their lives. thanks for stopping and i trust that you will return soon. freedom says peace.

  3. You know Freedom, I’m a little torn with the issue of child support. And my not being a father makes me pretty clueless about how it all works. But hopefully that will also allow me to offer a little more objectivity.

    Under it’s current model, the child support laws we have leave brothas with a sort of disincentive to take on traditional and “legitimate” jobs. Between getting taxed up the a$$ and garnished wages for child support, being able to adequately support oneself is severely compromised. The unfortunate consequence of this type of situation is that many black men either avoid earning an ‘honest wage’ or try their damndest to opt out of child support. Sadly, the title “deadbeat dads” has become somewhat of a misnomer; as it places the onus of providing for the child(ren) solely on the father. In the meantime, we discount the social barriers these same cats may face as they try to earn livable wages. If we want to make child support a true premium, perhaps we should start by making it easier for economically disadvantaged folks to do their jobs.

  4. Andre:

    The laws in this land have everything stacked in favor of the mother. In order for the father to obtain custody of their children, one d*mn near has to create a picture that the mother is basically “worthless, incapable, and loony”. The reality of it all, however, is that if you really want custody of your children, you will obtain it. If you have custody of your children, then, you don’t have to worry about child support – it comes to you from the mother. Yes – women pay child support. If a brother thinks that paying child support is unfair, then, don’t pay it – take the kids and the responsibility that comes along with it.

    If, on the other hand, if you choose to allow the mother to take the kids, then, a job is necessary. Although a lot of folks complain about paying child support, it’s really not that big a deal. It’s based on a percentage of your pay, and comes to very little. What is usually not heard is that the brother just doesn’t want to pay child support, and, although not always, stems from sheer laziness. Those who wish to do the right thing – do the right thing. Just me, but, I could never put a price on one of my children, nor could I ever try to weasel my way out of supporting them financially.

    On the flip side, for the most part, and speaking only from the confines of my own little world, most of the women that I know don’t get child support – they get “baby-mama” support. The money goes for new hair, clothes, and partying. I’ve personally witnessed the words come from their mouths: “When that support check comes, I’m going to NY and get me some new sh*t!” Some object to the money being spent on bills, as well, but, those utility bills need to be paid if the child is expected to survive – it’s a part of the expense of raising a child. However, I take offense at those mothers who use that money on themselves. It defeats the entire purpose of the system.

    Lastly, there are no guarantees in life, but, since you have no children (as yet) don’t let child support become a factor in your life. The Village needs to have the family brought back together again, as it was meant to be. All I ever dreamed of was that white picket fence, 2 1/2 kids and a dog. Yeah – I’m still a guy. Separation came, followed by divorce, and that dream was shattered. If you intend to settle down and raise a family, enjoy yourself with that special woman before starting a family and get to know each other, and establish a bond that will be virtually unshakable. The end result – no child support.

    Thanks for chiming in and I trust that freedom with be blessed with the pleasure of your company again. Peace.

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