i get miffed. . . number three

i get miffed by Black women who constantly put brothers down.

i understand that so many Black men have brought children into this world and have no inclination or desire to be the man that they claim to be by helping to raise those children. i understand that so many black men have left that task to the mother, a hardship that no one should be forced to bear.

i understand that there are Black men who have contracted diseases, never bothering to inform their mates that a problem exists.

i get it that some Black women are faced with the choice of either not loving at all, or loving a Black man who neither works, looks for work, nor has any idea as to what the word means.

i understand all of these concepts and i even understand why a Black woman can feel the way that she does.

what i have a hard time comprehending is that so many Black women take every opportunity that comes their way to put a Black man down. It sometimes seems that they even go out of their way to achieve that goal. what i have a hard time comprehending is why some Black women close their hearts to every other Black man because some previous Black man has let them down. i don’t get the concept that when a Black woman succeeds, her glory has to come at the expense or slander of a Black man in the process. many times a woman will rightfully boast that she has accomplished a particular goal, but, ruins that accomplishment with the unnecessary revelation that there was no man in the picture to help her accomplish that goal. just as many times, when a man tries to assist, he is confronted with “I don’t need a man to get where I need to be”. while that is true, no one offered forth that notion or said that a woman cannot make it without the help of a man. so, yes – i get miffed by Black women who constantly put brothers down.

i spent the better part of my weekend pc time perusing blogs that are written by females, mostly Black females, and the great majority of them focus on the slander of a Black man. they emphasized the vast number of men who produce children and walk away. they harbor ill-will towards all Black men because some Black man in their past took the time to break their heart. these particular women seem to concentrate their efforts upon the convoluted idea that Black men don’t want to hold down a job. although the majority of those blogs discussed a variety of topics (all in the name of degrading a Black man), most were of a romantic nature, crying their hearts out about the man who hardened their hearts and ruined it for every other man on the horizon. in short, they never miss an opportunity to put a brother down.

generalizations tend to kill the interaction of males and females of all persuasions. i suppose that a lot of it has to do with upbringing, but, as we grow older, i would think that we grow wiser as well, and gain enough knowledge to understand that each of us is as individual as a snowflake. whether the subject is sperm-donors, laziness, unfaithfulness or any of the other subjects that put us at odds, why can’t these particular women see that what one man does should have no bearing on the next man who steps up to the plate?

i have been in several relationships which were dissolved because the women with whom i was involved had no inkling as to what it meant to be in a relationship. i have shed the tears that only a broken heart knows. through all of the good times turned bad, i’ve had the good sense to know that each heartache was one that was individual and that each heartache was one that was caused by one individual. i have wisdom enough to realize that not every woman falls into the category into which i’ve placed the previous woman who has caused me that pain. it has been my experience that a lot of women cannot seem to separate the old from the new, are not able to fathom that this new Black man giving her the eye is not the same one who winked at her with the right eye and at another woman with the left eye. i guess that i’m trying to say that i’ve grown rather weary of being blamed for what someone else has perpetrated. i have a lot to offer and as such, i am offended each and every time a Black woman tries to group all of us into the same category – worthless. what saddens me most is that i have lived my life catering to the needs, desires, and aspirations of Black women, my queens, for as far back as i can remember.

go ahead – put a brother down. that’s ok. if he’s done wrong, it’s probably what he deserves. if your heart has been broken, go right ahead and put that brother down. if he became a sperm donor and nothing more, feel free to put that brother down with every high-fallutin’ term that you can muster. but, i beg of you – put THAT brother down, and THAT brother only. for a change, give us good guys a running chance.

freedom says I am not the one.

copyright © 2008 freedom


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3 Responses to “i get miffed. . . number three”

  1. I am in complete agreement. Peace.

  2. BlackButtafly Says:

    Dear brotha,

    I am a Black woman and have seen this pattern from both Black women who have been burned by Black men, and Black men who have been burned by Black women.

    Turning to the “others” for future relationships, bitching and trash talking each other when given the opportunity is too common. It’s VERY tragic and harmful to our survival as Black people; but to (3 years later) answer your question “Why?”, my answer is because it’s human nature.

    Once a child gets burned by a stove, he/she is afraid of fire from ANY stove. Once a person has bad accident (let’s say on a motorcycle) that person is scared to get on any motorcycle.

    For people, or animals, or anything living and reasoning is harmed by something, it’s natural to steer clear of anything that remotely reminds you of that pain. Trauma is hard to get over especially if you give it a second or third chance and get the same results. Ultimately this is all due to fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.

    To get over pain, you have to own up to your part in the thing that harmed you and face your fear by doing it again, BUT with the KNOWLEDGE of what you did wrong in the first place so that you get a DIFFERENT result.

    This is difficult for many people to do, so instead, they complain about it to others who will agree with them.

    This is the way I see it.

  3. I have to respectfully disagree with the idea that “it’s human nature”. Well, not totally, so let’s just say “for me”. I have been hurt by hateful women in the past but I realize that that is “them” (women from my past) and not the next woman that I meet. The next woman that I meet has nothing to do with the pain that I’ve endured in the past and I make a very conscious effort not to take it out on her. In the same vein, I find it next to impossible, for me, to think that all women are alike and that they all will simply hurt me as others have.

    It is, however, as you say, human nature for one to shy away from the things that have caused them pain, particularly when they already know what “possible” pain lies ahead. I suppose that my main concern it that women (men alike) who have been harmed in the past steer their anger and disappointment toward all of the others that come after the one who hurt them.

    I haven’t been blogging that much lately, but, I thank you for your comments. If I should pick up from where I left off, I hope to hear your input again. Peace.

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