i get miffed by Black women who constantly put brothers down.
i understand that so many Black men have brought children into this world and have no inclination or desire to be the man that they claim to be by helping to raise those children. i understand that so many black men have left that task to the mother, a hardship that no one should be forced to bear.
i understand that there are Black men who have contracted diseases, never bothering to inform their mates that a problem exists.
i get it that some Black women are faced with the choice of either not loving at all, or loving a Black man who neither works, looks for work, nor has any idea as to what the word means.
i understand all of these concepts and i even understand why a Black woman can feel the way that she does.
what i have a hard time comprehending is that so many Black women take every opportunity that comes their way to put a Black man down. It sometimes seems that they even go out of their way to achieve that goal. what i have a hard time comprehending is why some Black women close their hearts to every other Black man because some previous Black man has let them down. i don’t get the concept that when a Black woman succeeds, her glory has to come at the expense or slander of a Black man in the process. many times a woman will rightfully boast that she has accomplished a particular goal, but, ruins that accomplishment with the unnecessary revelation that there was no man in the picture to help her accomplish that goal. just as many times, when a man tries to assist, he is confronted with “I don’t need a man to get where I need to be”. while that is true, no one offered forth that notion or said that a woman cannot make it without the help of a man. so, yes – i get miffed by Black women who constantly put brothers down.
i spent the better part of my weekend pc time perusing blogs that are written by females, mostly Black females, and the great majority of them focus on the slander of a Black man. they emphasized the vast number of men who produce children and walk away. they harbor ill-will towards all Black men because some Black man in their past took the time to break their heart. these particular women seem to concentrate their efforts upon the convoluted idea that Black men don’t want to hold down a job. although the majority of those blogs discussed a variety of topics (all in the name of degrading a Black man), most were of a romantic nature, crying their hearts out about the man who hardened their hearts and ruined it for every other man on the horizon. in short, they never miss an opportunity to put a brother down.
generalizations tend to kill the interaction of males and females of all persuasions. i suppose that a lot of it has to do with upbringing, but, as we grow older, i would think that we grow wiser as well, and gain enough knowledge to understand that each of us is as individual as a snowflake. whether the subject is sperm-donors, laziness, unfaithfulness or any of the other subjects that put us at odds, why can’t these particular women see that what one man does should have no bearing on the next man who steps up to the plate?
i have been in several relationships which were dissolved because the women with whom i was involved had no inkling as to what it meant to be in a relationship. i have shed the tears that only a broken heart knows. through all of the good times turned bad, i’ve had the good sense to know that each heartache was one that was individual and that each heartache was one that was caused by one individual. i have wisdom enough to realize that not every woman falls into the category into which i’ve placed the previous woman who has caused me that pain. it has been my experience that a lot of women cannot seem to separate the old from the new, are not able to fathom that this new Black man giving her the eye is not the same one who winked at her with the right eye and at another woman with the left eye. i guess that i’m trying to say that i’ve grown rather weary of being blamed for what someone else has perpetrated. i have a lot to offer and as such, i am offended each and every time a Black woman tries to group all of us into the same category – worthless. what saddens me most is that i have lived my life catering to the needs, desires, and aspirations of Black women, my queens, for as far back as i can remember.
go ahead – put a brother down. that’s ok. if he’s done wrong, it’s probably what he deserves. if your heart has been broken, go right ahead and put that brother down. if he became a sperm donor and nothing more, feel free to put that brother down with every high-fallutin’ term that you can muster. but, i beg of you – put THAT brother down, and THAT brother only. for a change, give us good guys a running chance.
freedom says I am not the one.
realm of darkness, relationships, generalizations, love, romance
i get angry. . . four
if things didn’t work out for you and your child’s mother, please get over it and do what needs to be done for your child. trust me when i say that the amount of money that kimora is getting, or will be getting, is just downright ridiculous. mr. simmons will, no doubt, step up to the plate. unless you are a celebrity, the chances that you have been told or will be told to pay as much as he or others is highly unlikely.
in the early days of my separation from my baby-mama, she had the kids and i was paying child support. we had come to an agreement that a particular amount of money was required to raise a child, and that’s what i paid – each and every week. we did not need a judge to settle on an amount. we simply put our heads together and worked things out for the sake of the children that we brought into this world. however, in order for certain things to happen in baby-mama’s life, we both had to go to family services and file a legal child support claim. i remember sitting there laughing and joking with baby-mama, and the brothers waiting to be screwed served, seemed to have looks on their faces that screamed “hey, clueless! she’s about to take you for every cent you’ve got!” after the gavel came down, it turned out that the amount that i was paying prior to then was unbelievably higher than what the courts demanded. i hated that idea (going to court to have it put on record), but, the laws in this country are sometimes to the far left side of logic. i would gladly have continued to pay the “un-legal” amount that she and i had agreed upon to see that my kids were well taken care of.
stopping by to drop off a birthday present once a year or a box of pampers every other month does not constitute child support. a child’s needs are almost infinite. there is food, clothing, entertainment (i.e. toys), and more important than most negligent fathers understand, time. i understand that a brother has needs of his own, but, a brother should have thought about that before he decided on the possibility of becoming a father. please don’t get the idea that because the check is in the mail, your obligations are done. after the financial obligations have been taken care of, a child needs to know his/her father. a child needs to know that, perhaps more than anything else, dad loves them. if you are not around, you can’t possibly show that you are proud to be their father, or that you love them, or that you care in the least. if you haven’t tried it yet, and plan to do so, i can almost guarantee that the time you spend with your child/ren is more rewarding than most of the things that you’ve ever done in your lifetime.
the economy is tough. jobs are scarce. that’s not just for you – it goes for just about everybody else in this nation. get up off your worthless a$$ and see to it that your child/ren are taken care of. stop making excuses and stop being the proverbial sperm donor, and become a father. stop bragging about how many kids you have and start stepping up to the plate . . . and “please don’t let me be misunderstood”: i am not that concerned about you – it’s just that you continue to give me and other good African-American brothers a bad name. i’m tired of your sh*t. we’re tired of your sh*t. your children are tired of your sh*t!!
you definitely don’t get a pass. freedom says “man-up, d*ckheads!!”
copyright © 2008 freedom
(REVISED 7/11/2008)